I don't even know what to call this
by LXBBandLXlightfan
Summary: Light is an evil sorcerer and tries to torment five boys who wander into his castle by turning them into animals. This is absolute crack. Rated T for swearing and because I kill off the usual character that I kill off in my fics in a very slow and painful way. IDOE.


Once upon a time, there was an evil wizard named Light Yagami. He lived in a castle in the middle of the woods with his pet death god, Ryuk, his apprentice Misa, and her pet death god, Rem. Light enjoyed tormenting anyone who wandered into his castle. He thought that people who entered his castle where bad people for trespassing and deserved to be tormented.

One day, five kids who had recently became orphans wandered into the woods. They where all the adopted children of a nice couple until recently. The oldest one was a black haired boy named L. he was the most intelligent out of all of them and had dark circles under his eyes because he was an insomniac. The second oldest was another black haired boy named Beyond. People often mistook him for L because they looked almost exactly alike aside from Beyond's bright red eyes. Beyond was a little twisted. L also was addicted to sugar. The third oldest was a red haired boy named Matt. He had a pair of orange goggles on his head and was a little bit lazy. He was constantly playing video games. The fourth oldest was a blonde haired boy named Mello. He had a bit of a temper, liked to wear black leather, and was addicted to chocolate. The youngest was an albino boy named Near. Near was the quietest one and he loved to play with toys. Mello was always at Near's thought because he thought that Near was always better than him and he was a little jealous. He would beat Near every now and then when L wasn't looking. But Mello was also secretly in love with him.

After they had been walking for a while, they came across Light's castle. They where tired from walking and it was getting dark, so they decided to stay in the castle for the night. They also assumed that it was abandoned because of the condition that the outside of the castle was in. Light heard the door to the entryway open and came to greet his "guests". "Hello!" he said, putting on his kind, charming face. He was a good actor. "Welcome to my castle. What brings the four of you here?"

"Our parent's died and we lost our home." said Mello "The only way to get to the next town from where we where is through this forest."

"We'll, if you want to stay in my castle for the night you can." Light told them. They agreed that this was a good idea. But L had a feeling that something about the castle was wrong.

Light showed them to five rooms they could stay in. he told them that dinner would be ready in an hour, and then left. "Does anyone else find this place a little suspicious?" asked L.

"It's probably just in your head L. I'm sure you'll feel better after a good night's sleep." said Matt.

Over on the other side of the castle, Light was laughing to himself. He decided to try a new method of tormenting his victims. He called Misa over. "Misa, can you fix our guests some food?"

"Sure, Light. Misa Misa's good at cooking!" While Misa was cooking dinner, Light went over to his magical herb cabinet and started to make a potion.

An hour later, the food and the potion where ready. Light told Misa to mix some of the potion into the plates that she was going to give to the boys. He told her to be careful not to mix it into her plate or his. She nodded and ran off to the kitchen. Light called the boys and told them that their dinner was ready. They came and sat down at the table. Misa and Light sat down on the other side of the table. "This is Misa. She's my maid." Misa waved at them. They ate their dinner while have a pretty normal conversation aside from a few unusual questions from L every now and then. L seemed to not be eating any of his food. But when Misa brought out dessert, L ate it. The five boys said goodnight and went off to bed.

The Next morning, Matt was the first to wake up. He tried to push himself out of bed, but something seemed to be stopping him from moving his arms the way he wanted to. Matt looked at his hands and realized with horror, that they had long claws. He screamed. This woke up Mello, who was in the room next door. "What the hell is it Matt?" he yelled.

"Mello, I have claws!" Mello sighed and rolled out of bed. When Mello hit the ground, he landed on four feet. Four furry feet. Mello looked into the mirror that was across from his bed and saw a lion staring back at him. "Holy shit! Matt I think I know what's wrong with you." Mello walked into Matt's room and sure enough, saw a sloth with red fur and goggles lying on the bed.

"Please tell me it's just claws."

"It's not. You're a sloth." Beyond and L had heard Mello yelling and came to see what was the matter. They too had gotten turned into animals. L had gotten got turned into a panda and Beyond had gotten turned into a wolf.

"I told you guys that this place was suspicious." said L. Then, a tiny white bunny walked through the door.

"I think that there was something in the food we ate last night that did this." said the rabbit. Everyone recognized the rabbit's voice as Near's. Beyond suddenly lunged at Near. Near dodged him and ran off down the hallway before Beyond could do any harm to him.

"What's wrong with you Beyond?" asked Matt.

"Huh? Oh, I don't know. I just suddenly felt like eating him."

"Actually, I did too." Mello confessed.

"It seems to me that those of us who have been turned into predators have an urge to eat smaller animals that predators might consider prey. It would be best if you two stay away from Near."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle, Light woke up as a fox. "Misa! I told you not to put any in my food!" Misa walked into the room and gasped at Light's fox form.

"Oh my god! You're so cute!" she picked him up and started hugging him.

"Misa….I….need…air…" Light gasped out. Misa didn't stop, so Light bit her and ran off. Light was considering replacing her with someone else. Maybe Mikami, the magician's son. But Light knew that this wasn't the time to think about that. He had to get to his magical cabinet of herbs and make an antidote before Misa found him again and hugged him to death. Light walked for a while until he met up with Beyond, Mello, L, and Matt. Light also realized that three out of four of them where much bigger than he was.

"You're the one who got us into this mess!" said L.

"Ok, yes, I did this to you, but it backfired and I got turned into a fox."

"You know, since you're much smaller than me, I could kill you right here." Beyond said with a smirk.

"Please don't! I'm the only one that can turn you back!"

"How do you plan to do that?" asked L.

"Well, I originally gave you guy a potion, so if I can get to my herb cabinet, I can make an antidote."

"How you plan to do that when you don't even have hands?"

"You can mix it for us. You're a panda."

"Fair enough. We don't have much of a choice, so let's go." They walked for a while until they came across Near who was hiding in a corner.

"Come on Near. We're going to make this guy change us back." said Matt.

"Matt! No! I don't think it's a good idea to-" before L could finish his sentence, Mello tried to pounce on Near. Near jumped out of the way again and ran off. But this time, Mello ran after him.

"Mello, stop!" yelled Matt.

"It's no use." said Light "This is part of the spell. Actually, this was part of the reason why I wanted to give you guys the potion. It's more entertaining if some of you guys eat each other and my death god gets bored a lot, so I thought that I could entertain him by letting him watch."

Eventually, Mello chased Near into a corner. Near couldn't run anymore. He just sat there trembling in the corner. Mello picked Near up in his mouth.

"Please Mello, stop!" yelled Matt. Mello didn't listen to him. Instead, he ate Near. Near was such a small rabbit that Mello swallowed him whole. Beyond and Ryuk, who had been secretly following them the whole time started laughing hysterically.

"You know, somehow, it doesn't surprise me that you where following us." said Light.

"Well, I have to hand it to you Light, this is the most entertaining thing I've seen in a while."

"Beyond, please try not to laugh at someone you know dyeing a very slow and painful death for no reason." said L.

"Sorry, I'll try not to next time."

"Wait, what the heck did I just do?" asked Mello.

"Oh, you just ate Near." Beyond explained cheerfully.

"I-I diden't really just….."

"Yes, you did."

"I…loved him. I was going to tell him after we got out of this mess." Mello wanted to cry, but he couldn't because of his current form.

"Oh, cheer up! He's not dead yet. He'll probably be dead in less than an hour after an agonizingly painful death."

"Shut up Beyond! You're making it worse!" yelled Matt.

"Once again, I'm sorry." They kept walking for a while until they finally got to the herb cabinet.

"Ok, I'll tell you which herbs to put in it while you do the actual mixing." Light explained to L.

"I'm going to give you the potion last so that you don't try anything to stop us from escaping once you change back." said L. Light sighed.

"Fine. I guess that's ok." So after a few minutes of L mixing the stuff Light told him to together, the potion was ready. L drank some of it first. He immediately went back to being human. L gave Mello, Matt, and Beyond some of it too and they changed back.

"Near's still…" Mello broke down into tears because he finally could. Matt tried to comfort him.

"Alright, I'll put the rest on this by the door after we leave so you can drink some." said L. and so, the boys went off to the next town and lived happily ever after. Except for Mello who was extremely traumatized.


End file.
